Silent Raindrops
by you.must.be.the.wolf.girl
Summary: What if Edward and Seth hadn't been able too hold off Riley? What if Edward had saved Bella but not before Victoria bit her, and then died doing so? Bella finds a new love but can't help mourning for Edward. Very emo, depressing.
1. Delight

Silent Raindrops

Delight

Raindrops pound against the trees. They are falling in a steady beat, comforting and soothing. Rain is reminder, of everything I once had, now lost. They are the tears I can no longer cry.

It is winter, the first snow of the year covers the ground and frost turns the trees into exquisite statues. I stand bare foot, in jeans and a t-shirt. Temperature is irrelevant. Now that I myself am ice, cold and hard, ice no longer bothers me.

Life has been shallow over the past one hundred years. The edges of the world are blurred and dull. Life has lost much of it's meaning.

Do I wish I had given in? Had grown old without Edward at my side? I can't say that I do. That was the path life demanded I take, that I demanded others let me take. Is it their fault this life is nothing like what I expected?

No.

I know that in other circumstances life would be different. If my joy still remained. If Edward were still here.

In end my death was painful, but not as painful as my birth. I still cannot bear to recall that day. It is as fresh and clear as ever, one my only human memories to survive.

Strange, how in the end, the things you most want to forget are the clearest. Victoria came that day. Edward came too late; I already had too much venom in my bloodstream. She killed him. Seth was injured but survived. Riley, died. The others Cullen's and all of the werewolves survived. My angel was the only one who didn't make it. Jasper burned her next to the pile of ashes that was all that was left of my love. That was the day of my death.

When I awoke three days later, I knew. Edward was gone. That was the day of my birth and it was far more painful then the day of my death.

I stayed with the Cullen's. They are my family, my sanity, the only reason I am alive. They love me and that love is the only thing that has kept me somewhat sane all these years.

Now I stand in our meadow and wait. Wait for the whispers of happiness to float back to me. Wait for the pain.

It comes in a blinding flash, crippling me. In minutes I hear murmurs and feel someone pick me up, embrace me in strong arms. Emmet. I can hear them all next to me but I am too frozen to make out their words.

This is hard life but it is the one I have chosen. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ok, here's the deal. Two questions. First do I leave it as a one shot? Second, if not, should Bella find someone to love? For those of you hate me for killing Edward (and I knew there will be a few), sorry but he's dead. Oh, third question. If Bella does find someone to love, should it be Jasper, Emmet (cuz I love those stories), or someone totally new? Review and I'll update! But not before you decide how you want the story to go. Rated T for safety.


	2. AN

A/N: Ok, Silent Raindrops is going to become a story. That, I think, was almost unanimous. Here's the catch. I have a very short attention span. I can only work on one thing at a time and right now Black Roses has been, surprisingly, favorably reviewed by … everyone. said in a very surprised tone of voice Plus, I really love it. It's like my baby. So, that's what I will be focusing on. I'm going to try to make the chapters longer, and most of the chapters will be from both Jacob and Hope's Povs and occasionally someone else. I will, occasionally, update Silent Raindrops, when I get a scene stuck in my head. FYI, Moonlight is dead. I had a great idea but couldn't find a plot line for it; if anyone wants to take it over pm me otherwise I'm going to delete it. And since this has become a general story update, once again, in Flight of an Angel I took artistic license with the imprinting. In my story Jake imprinted on Anna after he knew he couldn't have Bella. Bella was his true love; Anna was (hate to say this) second best. Sort of a consolation prize, if you will, except Jake would never think of it like that. Just work with me here folks, or deal with me, whatever works for you. : D And I have a list of people to thank, they are the reason my stories aren't all like Moonlight.

ReaderRabid

Quil Explodes

eReid

Selenemoon118

Keelie. T

LookInsideMyDeepBrownEyes

And to everyone else who reviewed. You guys are awesome!


	3. Thirst

Thirst

In the end there is always one more chance. One more chance for life, one more chance for eternity. I held firm in my belief in that. Unfortunately life was proving me wrong. I was alive, barely. I had my family, and it wasn't fair for them to have to step over my catatonic body every morning. Of course I had an eternity to wait; there would always be one more chance. For everything.

But life is rarely that easy. For every step forward I took, I slid back two. My family was, literally, the only thing keeping me alive. It had been seventy years since I had seen forks last. Everyone who might have remembered the blushing, bumbling daughter of Chief Swan was dead. We lived in the white house; it was just like I remembered it. Elegant but homey. Warm and comforting, just like Esme.

I have sat here for decades. I am tired. I want to sleep.

I sat on the sofa in front of a flat, wide screen TV. My mind is far away, in other days, in another century when I was just a girl. Just a girl who was in love with a boy. I felt the couch shift slightly as Jasper sat next to me. He, out of all of my family understood the best. Maybe was the fact that he was an empath but he was always ready to sit with me, just sit and send a calm over me. Sometimes we talked and I told him what I was thinking but that rarely happened. Instead we just sat and listened. Emmet was always there when I needed to be cheered up, bursting into the room and swinging me into a hug before dragging me off to play a game. Rosalie and I had a gentle give and take; we were still trying to feel comfortable with each other. We bonded the most on Edward and my tenth anniversary. That night I cried in her arms for the love I had lost. Alice was my confidante, I told her everything. That I missed Edward every second of my life and would for the rest of my life. That I missed dreaming. That when I sat on the front porch and closed my eyes I was pretending vampires didn't exist. That we were a normal, happy, human family. That Edward was still alive. That we were just a boy and a girl, in love.

Time passes slowly. Edward forgot to mention that. Or maybe he did and I forgot.

I spent my time on the black couch, listening to music. I was working my way through Edward's CD collection. It shouldn't have been hard, I had a lifetime. But memories are tricky and the songs were bringing back more then I wanted to know. I hated not remembering my own life, my life with Edward. Then, at the same time, I was glad, every memory I lost was one that couldn't come back to hurt me. So I sat and listened, remembering, remembering more then I ever wanted to.

Loss is just as much a part of life as death. In my mind life is the sickly sweet smell of death mixing with the musty scent of long forgotten times, lying with roses and candles on a shelf.

I went to school. I sat in the same classrooms and went over almost the exact same material. And when I didn't need to talk I listened. I sat there and watched as a girl met a boy in her biology class. I sat and watched as she went, so willingly, to her death. Because love is a tricky thing, a fine balancing act. One misstep and you fall. One blink of the eye and you miss the magic. One minute there's love and the next there's only emptiness.

I remember happiness. It felt like a warm blanket slipping into my skin.

I lay on the couch, letting myself slip. Slip into dreams, into the mustiness of old memories long forgotten, just now recovered but stained somehow with the stale and bitter tang of death. Emmet bursts in; he is smiling and radiating joy. Snow drips from his clothes and his hair is wet.

"Bella! Come and play!" I shake off the morbid feeling that this town has brought over me and skip out with my brother, to play in the glittering, sparkling, snow.

* * *

Ok, what do you guys think? Yes, there will be another guy, he's coming. As a matter of fact I already know how this ends, which is rare. For now im indulging my emo side and writing weirdly depressing stuff. If you don't like, tell me and I'll put in something happy. Although I have to say, depressing is so much easier to write. Humm, ok we've done candy, how 'bout favorite bands? I really can't decide, there's so many good ones. Right now im listening to Moby Hotel. And my cat is trying to sit on me while I type. Silly kitty. 


	4. Breath

I lie on my back, staring up at the sky. For once there is no snow falling, the sky is clear. There is no sound in the forest, just the sound of my own breathing. I stop. Now there is silence. Before, there was light and noise. Now there is a cold, dark, silence. I wish I could cry. A boy steps out of the woods. He has the pale skin of all the vampires, his eyes are black, they match his hair. His face is sharp and thin, he has high cheekbones and full lips. His eyes are sad and full of longing. He walks toward me, slowly with his hand held out, like I am an animal that will shy away at his presence. I can see myself through his eyes, laying on the snow, barefoot, my long mahogany hair fanning around me, topaz eyes full of pain. There is a reason for his hesitance. He doesn't speak; he doesn't want to break this spell. I could tell him that this false. It will never last, but I humor him. I don't move, don't speak. He smiles, and whispers.

"I won't hurt you."

"I never said you would." I am surprised by how shaky my voice is. He glides over, moving at vampire speed.

"You look scared." There is nothing to say to that, so we just lay there. Watching the clouds drift by, the sun sparkle off of the snow, the way we glittered.

I have stopped. Trying is no longer realistic. I don't want to pretend. So instead I sit in a meadow next to a boy. A boy who believes in first love, true love, just love. He wraps his arms around me and we find shapes in the clouds. He brings me roses and heaps them on my bed. I love the scent, so full it stuns me. He lights candles and twirls me around the room in time to classical music. My family is happy because I am happy. They are glad that Owen makes me smile and laugh. And he does, he makes me happy, he loves me and maybe that is enough.


	5. My Undead Heart

My Undead Heart

Standing here I can almost feel human again. Owen is holding me, he's overly protective. Ah, the joys of first love. The cliff beneath my feet is high, much higher then the one I jumped from as a human. A vampire could survive the fall, a werewolf, maybe. A human be crushed on impact. It is exhilarating to feel fear again.

"Come on sweetheart. Let's go." Owen whispers in my ear. I smile mockingly at the sun before turning to kiss him. I have gotten to the point where I feel only a faint quiver in heart when I kiss Owen. It still hurts but the pain is lessening day by day. Soon I will forget all about the bronze haired god who sang me to sleep.

It is only a wish. Just another prayer said in the night to no one. But it is alive. It is music, it is sparkling in the sunshine, it is a sweet scent, it is danger, it is a certain song, it is a certain voice, it is love. It is Edward. I remember love. It was warm and settled over me like sunshine. I will never forget.

I do love Owen. He is the only one who can make me, for just a while, leave behind the pain. Who can make me forget. He is kind and loves me far more then he should. I shudder when I think of his first love being wasted on me. A souless, heartless monster.

Alice and I go shopping. She drags me to stores I would never go into by myself and buys me clothes I will never wear. After we are done we go home to watch Buffy on TV. I sit in Owens's lap and let him kiss me. I am happy, for a while.

That night I sit on the roof and wish, as I do every night, on a star. It is a bittersweet thing, to wish. To throw something out there and hope that it is answered. The only person I ever wish for is Edward but then guilt consumes me and I throw up one more wish for Owen. And then one more, for me, for life, for a heart. But it is never answered, those wishes. And my heart stays cold and empty. Except for a few seconds each time Owen holds me and whispers, you are a beauty. I smile bitterly then, he can't see the beast underneath. But still, I smile, and let him warm my undead heart.

* * *

A/N: ok! new screen name! and new chapter! this story bring out my emo side (can you tell) so i apologize for all the depressingness. 


	6. Regret

Regret

I am sitting in the forest watching as the moonlight filters through the trees. I look up and see the stars dancing far above us, a map of the heavens. It feels so…normal to be here. To sit and let Rosalie stroke my hair, to sit and let Alice's chatter run over me like the burble of a creek. I idly play with Alice's hand, turning it this way and that to see the moonlight glint on it. Alice turns to me, her face clouded.

"Do you wish you had never met us?"

I close my eyes and think about this. I think about the way Emmet carried me when I couldn't stand, I think about the way Carlisle told me our history and made sure that when I felt the most alone I had someone by my side, I think about the way Esme held me and cried with me, I think about the way Jasper just sat with me in silence, I think about how soothing Rosalie's hand feels as she strokes my hair, I think about how Alice sits and listens to me. No. Of course not. As much as I have lost, I have gained so much. I sit up and take their hands.

"No. How could I? You are my family."

They smile and we hug each other. We lay back and point out the constellations, all sorrow and pain forgotten. We are no longer mythical creatures, feared by all. Now we are just girls, talking and enjoying the feeling of friendship. I think that this is the most precious gift that they have given me.

As the dawn breaks, we reluctantly return to the white house in the woods. We laugh as we think about what is waiting for us there, a mother and a father who loved and accepted us when no else would, three men who love us, a family that is far too good to be true. We open the door and are swept up in a wind whirl of hugs and kisses. We look at each other and roll our eyes before returning the hugs. In a film, this would be where it ends. A perfect family all safe and happy, loving each other. You would see us all greeting each other, the shot would cut on the closing door and you would hear peals of laughter from the house right before the screen went black and the credits rolled. You would not see what makes me stop laughing, what makes my eyes water, what makes me hold onto Owen for a dear life, using him as a shield against the pain. A piano. A simple grand piano makes me cry. And the boy who played it, coaxing the most beautiful sounds out of thin air, making the piano say what he could not. It is such a simple thing but so sad. I wonder if I will ever be free.

The light breaks on the house in the woods. Owen is downstairs with Jasper. I am alone, for now. I pick the brightest star out of the sky, the one that shines hard against the light, pulsing, beating. Trying to stay alive. I gently blow a kiss to Edward and turn away, letting the melody of his song wrap around me. The music plays on creating a bittersweet sound that rises until ends in final note. It is a dancing of sweet, sad chords that flies up and catches the stars. It is a note of sorrow, a note of farewell. Then there is nothing, nothing at all. Owen leans against the doorframe. He hugs me, holding at bay all of the monsters of the past. I am so cruel to let him do this but I do. It is just one more simple thing that helps me survive.


	7. Hell

Hell

Years are flying by, grazing the ends of my fingertips as I grasp for a hold on sanity. Owen is getting tired. He is tired of my constant neediness, of my inability to let go of the past. I force myself up, break the surface of the water. I cannot lose Owen. To lose that, that last piece of sanity would crush me, it would devastate me, once and for all. Sometimes I wonder if there is an afterlife, a god who vehemently hates me. For they must hate me if they would inflict this much pain on me. In my mind, hell is a bright, glowing place, filled with heat and passion. It is not a place for a creature made of ice.

I wonder what happened to Charlie and Angela. I wonder what happened to Jacob. I have a feeling that he, this boy from the past I am so desperately clinging to, is the only person who could put me back together again. I laugh bitterly. I am far beyond that. There is no hope for the dead.

Owen is sitting in a chair. I walk up and wrap my arms around him, waiting to feel him gently kiss my hand like he always does. I wait for a lifetime. I wait for an eternity. Finally I walk away, stunned. Owen does not raise his head. He doesn't make a sound, just goes on reading.

I try to make up for my sins. I hold Owen but not tightly, giving as well as taking. I laugh with Alice and Emmett. I let Rosalie work magic on my hair every day. I help Esme and run to hug Carlisle when he comes home. Only Jasper knows that I am fake. Only Jasper knows that I lie. But Owen is happy with me again and that is worth a few more years in hell.

My mind turns to the past as I struggle towards the future. Jacob, for some reason is on my mind often. I want to see him; I want hear that booming laugh again and watch him grin. I want to know what happened to him. Did he imprint on someone, is he married? Does he have kids, miniature Jacobs who have smiles like the sun? I want to see him but I cannot. That past is an apple, luring me to some nameless dread. I need the past, Edward and Jacob. But I also need this future, I need Owen. I need Owen to survive, to give me all the things the past cannot. I need to live just like I once needed to die.


	8. AN2

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated for so long, my parents took away my internet because I had bad grades. I'm still on restriction; my mom took pity on me and let me get on here for a while. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I'm sorry I won't be able to respond but I only have a few minutes. Ok, here's the new chapters, including the last chapter of Black Roses!

Black Roses: "Till Death do us Part- Jake's POV, Chapter Thirty

Ashes in the Wind: Family, Chapter 3 Boundaries and Alice, Chapter 4

Silent Raindrops: My Undead Heart, Chapter 4 Regret, Chapter 5 Hell, Chapter 6


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